How Parents Can Use Their Energy in Therapy to Successfully Beat DCF
The Massachusetts Department of Children and Families (MA DCF) rarely comes up in dinner conversations. Many times, parents do not even think about DCF until they are trapped in a case themselves, facing unthinkable allegations. Sometimes, these allegations are totally false.
What Can You Do to Get Through Your DCF Case?
There are many aspects to handling a DCF case. You have to do legal work to make sure you maintain custody of your children. You also have to do the physical work of meeting with social workers and attorneys, and go to work. But one part of the fight which is often overlooked is the parent’s psychological battle. Having DCF in your life can bring a wide variety of emotions.
You may be feeling anger, sadness, confusion, and fear. It is completely acceptable and understandable to feel any of these emotions, or maybe all of them. However, these emotions cannot lead to consequences with DCF. It is important to know your rights with DCF. It is equally as important, however, to know how to stay level-headed, and how to keep your emotions from taking over your actions.
Can Therapy Really Help?
A lot of the time, DCF recommends that parents go to therapy as part of their Action Plan. Parents should go to therapy not just to get DCF off their backs, but also to help them cope with the stress during this difficult and confusing time. One type of therapy many parents have been successful with is called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It is called “DBT” for short. Read on to see if learning DBT skills can help you! This article describes what DBT is and the different concerns that DBT can address.
What is DBT?
DBT is a type of therapy, created by Marsha Linehan who is a psychologist. DBT uses evidence-tested forms of therapy to help people regulate their emotions. It helps people understand and accept what is and what is not in their control. It also helps people understand how to change negative behaviors and thoughts. The term “dialectical” is used to describe working through opposing forces in your life and in your mind. This form of therapy covers six distinct skill sets. DBT acknowledges that everyone faces unique challenges in life. So people who choose to do DBT do not have to work on each skill DBT helps with. However, more often than not it is possible to find at least one skill set that can help sustain your mental health during tough times.
Who is Marsha Linehan?
The psychologist who first created DBT, Marsha Linehan, is a former professor of psychology, psychiatry, and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. Until 2019, she was also the director of the behavioral research and therapy clinics at the university.
For most of her career, she focused on conducting primary research in developing and evaluating treatments for severe mental disorders and high suicide risk. This work has been awarded the Gold Medal Award for Life Achievement in the Application of Psychology from the American Psychological Foundation.
It also got the James McKeen Cattell award for the Association for Psychological Science. The American Association of Suicidology has also created the Marsha Linehan Award, in her honor, for Outstanding Research in the Treatment of Suicidal Behavior.
How Does DBT Help With “Mindfulness”?
Mindfulness is the ability to be in the moment without holding on to the moment, worrying, or judging it. Many people practice mindfulness without even realizing it. Examples of this practice can include meditation, prayer, yoga, hiking, or walking. In DBT, mindfulness requires finding a mental middle path- somewhere between rational or pragmatic thought, and thought ruled by emotions.
It requires seeing the value of both logical reasoning and human emotion. This does not mean you should ignore how you are feeling. It does mean, however, that you cannot act on your emotions impulsively. Some more specific skills that come from mindfulness include practicing kindness to all people, limiting distractions, and becoming less judgmental.
DCF involvement and working with social workers requires a rational mind and a high level of patience. Mindfulness can help you develop tools to advocate for yourself while working with the state, while also not losing your temper or acting in a way that may have negative consequences for your case.
Does DBT Improve Your “Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills”?
Interpersonal effectiveness skills address your communication issues. This skill set can also help you build new relationships and know when it’s time to leave others. Even in a pandemic, there are always new opportunities to build new connections and supports. Likewise, it is important to know what relationships can interfere with your goals, your self-esteem, and even hold you back in life. A lot of parents, especially when they are dealing with DCF, feel like they cannot get their point across.
They often feel like the person they are speaking to cannot fully understand what they are trying to say. You can learn this skill by defining the relationship you have with this person and laying down the path to working on the relationship with minimal damage and maintaining a level of mutual respect. Just because two people disagree does not always mean one is right and one is wrong. Rather, it can often be a situation where two sides have different viewpoints, experiences, emotions, or beliefs.
Your primary goal is to keep your children and to get DCF out of your life. To do this, you must be able to communicate with your support systems, your attorney, your social worker, and the fair hearing officer. In order to defeat your enemy, you must understand their viewpoints, their tactics, and their goals. It is important to always be polite and understanding with DCF and the police, no matter what emotions may affect you.
How Can DBT Help Your “Emotional Regulation Skills”?
You should not use your emotional regulation skills to make your emotions disappear. Rather, use it to identify your emotions and reduce how they make you act. This can make you better able to change how you are feeling and how it affects your mental health. It can also reduce the risk of acting out or creating unfortunate consequences for yourself. This requires understanding the situation at hand, identifying the goals you have for this situation, and implementing action plans. And, you have to do all of this while staying level-headed.
Your emotions can be extremely hard to manage when you are involved with DCF when you are lacking emotional regulation skills. Emotional regulation includes skills like reinforcing the consequences of your actions, moodiness, worrying, and emotional overload. An illness, lack of proper nutrition or sleep, or substance use can also affect how you regulate your emotions.
Learning DBT emotional regulation skills can increase your motivation and organization, and help you better communicate your thoughts and feelings. No matter what happens in your DCF case, you are the parent to your child. In times of uncertainty, it is important to remain a source of comfort and security for your child. Emotional regulation also helps you understand your involvement with DCF, overcome the initial distress and anger, and make a plan to get them out of your life.
Will DBT Improve Your “Distress Tolerance”?
Pain and distress are a normal part of life, but they are powerful emotions which can make your problems worse. It is important to understand how to deal with this stress when you are going through something important and difficult. You can try to work on tolerating painful emotions when you cannot change the situation, minimizing making a situation worse, and being able to handle situations with a greater level of objectivity. This can help bring down high emotions at high intensities.
Some of these specific skills can include critically thinking about where your thoughts or emotions are coming from, not suppressing your emotions, and avoiding overthinking. Distress tolerance skills can help people reach their goals without feeling stressed. It helps people keep their head up during tough times. This can sometimes include coping through positive distractions, mindfulness activities, and focusing on your priorities. It can also help you objectively accept reality and understand where and when you can change the problem.
Accepting reality is not a matter of rolling over or approving of the situation, but more towards not wasting your precious time and energy on what you cannot change or asking “why me?” No family wants DCF meddling in their personal business.And finding out that you are facing allegations of child abuse or neglect can be distressing. With false allegations, you may feel inclined to act out in order to deny the allegations. Unfortunately, their system does not work that easily. Getting DCF to “unsupport” your case requires patience and a step-by-step plan.
How Can DBT Help You Battle Addiction?
DBT also helps people who are battling addiction. It does this through “dialectical abstinence”. Dialectical abstinence is refraining from using drugs or alcohol, while also being able to minimize the harm in case of a relapse. This is because DBT helps you focus on maintaining a logical mind while still accepting reality. It guides you to the idea that you should do everything in your power to be sober, but understand that relapse is always possible.
This focuses on building support systems for yourself, such as eliminating outlets that may lead you to engage in addictive behaviors and replacing them with outlets that reinforce abstinence. Addiction can have devastating effects on any individual or family. DCF kind of substance use can have negative consequences with DCF. Whether substances were an issue before or during DCF involvement, it is important you learn the tools to control your addictive behaviors in therapy. Do not let these issues negatively affect your family.
What is the Importance of Learning the DBT “Analyzing Behavior” Skill?
Analyzing other people’s behavior can be an important skill to have. It can help you make better connections with the people around you. Many use the “analyzing behavior” skill when they are looking to change harmful behaviors, emotions, and thoughts which have caused problems in their personal relationships in the past.
There are two different ways to analyze behavior: chain analysis and missing-links analysis. Chain analysis examines the “chain of events” that lead to problem behaviors. It also breaks down the consequences of those behaviors. With this method, a DBT therapist will ask you to describe a specific problem in your life with very specific details.
Then, they will work with you to determine what causes you to act the way you did. Missing-links analysis teaches you to identify what impedes what you hope to accomplish, and help with solving similar problems in the future. Analyzing Behavior” skills can help you look at your DCF case from a different perspective. Then you can more easily figure out a plan for getting DCF out of your life without you losing your children.
How do I start DBT?
There are three ways you can start doing DBT. The first way is to get individual therapy. Find a therapist who knows about DBT and can give you DBT based recommendations in therapy. Make sure the therapist communicates with DCF so that DCF knows you are making an effort with therapy.
The second way is to join a DBT skills group. A DBT skills group is similar to a support group. A therapist experienced in DBT will lead the discussions in the group. The participants in the group are people similar to you.They are also looking to incorporate DBT skills into their daily lives.
The third way is learning it on your own. Do this by using DBT books or articles and DBT workbooks to learn and practice the skills. The person who created DBT, Marsha Linehan, has written several helpful books on how to practice DBT. These are the links to some of her books:
- DBT Skills Training Manual Second Edition
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy with Suicidal Adolescents
- Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition
So, Should You Do It Yourself?
When you are in a situation with DCF, you may want to get a DBT therapist instead of trying to learn the skills on your own. This is because the therapist can write an official letter to DCF explaining all the progress you are making in therapy. When you choose to do learn the skills on your own, DCF can push back on you.
DCF can claim you are not learning the therapy skills correctly. They may tell you that you are not qualified to help yourself in this way. So it is better to get professional therapy so that DCF cannot say anything against you. Also, the therapist is another person who can vouch for your character and parenting skills to DCF.
Kevin Seaver is a trusted Massachusetts DCF lawyer specialized in DCF law since 1991. 
DISCLAIMER
You find yourself in this situation, it’s advisable to seek legal representation from a qualified attorney, like those at the Law Office of Kevin Seaver, who can advocate for your rights and guide you through the complex process of a DCF investigation.
Remember that the ultimate goal of DCF is to ensure the safety and well-being of children while supporting families in crisis.
Please note that this article does not create an Attorney-Client relationship between our law firm and the reader and is provided for informational purposes only. Information in this article does not apply to all readers.
Readers should not rely on this information as legal advice and should seek specific counsel from the attorney based on personal circumstances. Thank you.
Kevin Patrick Seaver is a Massachusetts DCF Defense Lawyer who represents parents against false child abuse allegations.
Massachusetts DCF Defense Lawyer Kevin Seaver has been successfully fighting false child abuse allegations since 1991.